Take the path of least resistance. When you feel tempted to change someone else, try changing yourself instead.

YOU CAN'T CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON


You can't change another person, it's hard enough to change yourself. The truth of this always strikes me when I talk to people who are getting divorced and I ask what about the relationship went wrong. Usually it's something that was evident from the very beginning. "I thought it would change after we got married." Someone who doesn't pick up his socks before marriage is not likely to begin doing it after marriage. Someone who can't hold onto a dime before marriage is not going to be able to do it after marriage. There are two paths of least resistance to take. The first is to refuse to marry someone who annoys you before marriage, no matter how in love you are. The second is to agree to accept this person, worts and all.


I've tried to live my life on the second path, but of course I can never stop myself from trying to change my husband from a pessimist to an optimist. When he complains to me about something, I always try to get him to think of all the blessings we have. It takes awhile, but eventually he will say, "you're right, you're right." Then the next morning he will say the same pessimistic thing. I'll remind myself that you can't change another person. Understanding the futility of what I am trying to do allows me to not be attached to a particular outcome. Finally, I see I have changed him, little by little, but by not having expectations, things can change in their own time. It's the trying to control how things will be that shows how little control we have


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Trying to control children is an exercise in futility. The tighter the control, the greater the rebellion. Nobody likes being told what to do. To get beaten into submission is even worse. I love to observe people in restaurants with kids. The parents who are respectful to their children, and allow them to freely eat what they want, and how they want to eat it are having a pleasant meal. The parents that insist that their children eat a nutritious meal, that they sit up straight, have the kids that are kicking the chairs and whining before long. You know that a smack will be next. Accepting the fact that children are like rats, and can eat practically anything and survive goes a long way to creating family harmony. My own two daughters are examples of how healthy you can be with a childhood diet of macaroni and cheese.




Children also know when they are dressed warmly enough. Fighting about what they wear only leads to many tattoos and piercings. Children that are loved for who they are don't seem to have the same need to express their most outrageous sides. Self-respect comes initially from being respected by our parents. Children that are trained to follow orders make good soldiers or members of cults.




Take the path of least resistance. When you feel tempted to change someone else, try changing yourself instead.